The end of a flare up.....usually signals the start of the next

It is day 17 of my nystatin and low carb diet approach and my flare has finally come to an end. By 'flare' I tend to refer to the blistering stage which for me is the absolute worst part of having DE. I am still dealing with the aftermath which is incredibly dry, cracked skin - but as far as I'm concerned, this is the healing stage. This is what it looks like - and for the record, I actually moisturised only a few minutes before this was taken. Even almost 2 years on, I'm amazed at how this just seems to suck up moisture within seconds - its like I never even moisturised at all!

First up is the left hand - this has always been the worst of the two. I have developed an open crack on my palm which is quite painful.

Right hand - I only developed DE on this hand around 3-4 months ago but this is the most extensive it has been.

I am feeling like this is a really crucial point for me. If this treatment is working, given that I am over half way through now, I would expect improvement from this point on - either no further blisters, or maybe a significantly less severe flare. 

Do I think that is going to happen? Honestly, no. I suspect in a few days I will have a new outbreak just as bad as the last, if not worse. But I will live in hope that I am wrong!

The emotional turmoil of dyshidrotic eczema

Normally I blog about my journey towards a cure for my dyshidrotic eczema (if you're reading regularly, you'll know that it isn't exactly going my way). But today I wanted to post about something else, the thing that people who don't suffer with eczema don't realise. How much this condition can really affect day to day life.

I am now 19 months into this hellish experience and with every day that passes, I find myself reflecting more on more on just how much this is affecting me.

I'm angry - I'm so angry that this is happening to me. I'm angry that I've spent hours and hours of my precious time trawling the internet for answers that I'm not getting from doctors. I'm angry that I've already spent several hundred pounds searching for answers. I'm angry that I spend most of my day thinking about my hands, wondering what I'm going to do about them. That when I should be enjoying time with my little boy, my mind is jumping around, thinking about different options and making plans for what I should do next.

I'm frustrated - why are the treatment options so poor for eczema? I guess I know why - the money is going towards life limiting conditions, and of course I understand that. But it feels like there is no understanding of just how much this can impact doing simple tasks. When my DE is at its worst, it is painful to hold a pen. I wince when my toddler holds my hand. Getting my hands wet makes it worse, and with a toddler it is almost impossible to avoid that. Reading the studies on what actually works for DE makes for depressing reading....there really is very little that does work!

I'm miserable - living day to day with constant itching and pain is really quite depressing. There is no escape from it. Whatever I'm doing it's always there, a constant reminder that I have this problem, and that nothing I do is helping. The restricted diet I'm on is horrible - I love food, its one of my greatest pleasures in life, and now I can't eat any of the things I love. Going out with friends is difficult; now I'm the awkward person who needs to check all the menus first. The person drinking a peppermint tea whilst my friends enjoy a chocolate dessert.

I'm jealous - I'm jealous of other people who don't have eczema. I find myself looking longingly at people's smooth, blister free skin and wishing that my hands looked like that. I'm jealous of other Mums who can help their toddler build a lego tower without catching the bricks on the blisters all the way up the sides of their fingers.

And despite all this I still consider myself a positive person. I try to keep smiling. I do yoga every day to try and keep my stress levels down. I keep searching for a cure...looking for my answers, all the time because I am determined that I will beat this.

But some days I just feel like I want to scream.

If anyone is reading this...tell me it isn't just me??

I wish I had something positive to share....

but I don't. I am now on my 6th day of this current flare up and I have woken up with new blisters every day. This is easily the worst flare up I have had now in terms of coverage (it is now very much on my right hand which had cleared up, more extensively than before) and in terms of how long it is lasting - each night I think that its over, its calming and I will now begin the healing process - the horrible peeling and splitting. But no - in the morning, new blisters are there again. It is relentless, and I am exhausted - not least because this diet is basically sapping all my energy.

I am 12 days into my nystatin course, which lasts 28 days, so not even half way through. There is a small chance this is die off....but it all just seems so far fetched to me. I just can't believe that this hideous state of affairs is a positive sign.

I'm determined to finish the course but I really am struggling now - I'm constantly itching or in pain, 24/7. This is no way to live.

Gutted.

Well....day 14 has arrived with an outbreak similar to those I had before starting the treatment. My left palm and two fingers are covered in blisters and they are itching. I had to take an antihistamine to stop me itching earlier. It has been over 2 weeks now since I felt this infuriating itch...argh I had almost forgotten how horrible it was. Just yesterday I was saying to my husband that I thought I could live with the ugliness of the blisters, as long as they didn't itch, and didn't crack and peel. Spoke too soon I guess.

I have remained hopeful up until now, focusing on the fact that the blisters I was getting were fewer in number, below the skin and not itchy. It is hard to stay positive in the face of a flare up like this. But I am trying. My right hand is, for now at least, totally clear, which I should celebrate. Now the left hand just needs to follow suit.

I keep reminding myself - this is a month long treatment minimum, so I am only half way through. The very few people I have read about who have tried this report that the treatment does take time, and blisters do continue to come throughout. So I mustn't lose hope - I have to keep going and just keep my very itchy fingers crossed, that this passes.